Future Uncertian, Contemplation Algorythm Timing out

Need to write this down so I can move on. Huge amount of school work and job work. Not sure what happens after graduation and I want to do something about it. The end result is like trying to run at full speed in two opposite directions. Haven't moved very far but extremely exhausted. Yikes! Time to start writing.


Time to shake the rust off (write, write, write)

I've been busy. I'm still busy. I've created excuses for not being able to write. I’ve told myself I am incapable of writing. I’ve grown layers of anxiety, upon excuse, upon self-doubt, upon lack of purpose, upon fearing my own words. In short, I became an onion. I have writer’s onion. It’s similar to writers block but a little smellier. I’m ready to shed off this husk of smelly insecurities.

I’ve been thinking about whether I need to close this blog for good. This doesn’t mean I stop writing it means that this blog would maintain its focus of discussing Japanese culture and I move on to a different blog to maintain and update more frequently. I hope to have my decision by the end of this entry but first let me explain my decision to update.

I woke up today and found out about the death of Ernestine Kimbro, a faculty member at the Evergreen State College. She was the first contract sponsor I had at Evergreen and an influential supporter in my interest in translation and Japanese studies. I think about the teachers that have made an impact in my life and how Ernestine helped and supported my approach to learning through my writing. She emphasized the value to look for the interrelations in the everyday and things that are seemingly dissimilar. No resource was out of reach or too obscure for her. She was an amazing teacher and friend and I like to think the work I did with her was a precursor to this blog.

I had no idea about the breast cancer or the chemotherapy. I guess deep down I knew something was up with the head wraps she wore but I didn’t bother to ask. Hearing the news of her passing away was like waking up from a deep cold sleep.

Returning to those memories with Ernestine two years ago I’ve realized that I have to keep moving. For my own sake and for the sake of Ernestine and what I learned from her I have to keep writing. Writing has meaning; there’s a purpose in doing this. I can’t promise a lot but I can promise to write and reflect on my life when it is necessary. I thought about closing this blog on account of Ernestine but that would be an empty gesture. I want to write stupid goofy things and serious things and be passionate about life and writing again. This blog stays open!

Thank you Ernestine for holding doors open and being an inspiration in my life.